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I thought over, probably a couple hundreds of times wondering
how to write this entry. At the end of the day, I still have no
idea what to write.
Truth is when I first saw the email sent by Dr Aung on the amount needed to bring Charmaine to New York for treatment, I was shocked. $350,000 is the upfront deposit. I weren’t sure what currency it was in. Sent Jolene and Charlene a text message, ending the message with “I would give up if it is in USD”.
And of course, the bad news never ends.
Half a million Singapore dollars.
How would I ever be able to raise this amount of sum? How do I convince anyone that Charmaine’s life is worth half a million dollars? I don’t know how. I seriously don’t know how. So many times, I want to give up. I don’t know how to think. I don’t know what to think. I don’t want to think. I don’t dare to think.
A week has passed since I received the email and I know I have already procrastinated a week away and made no progress.
I am brought up to think rationally and weigh my decisions against benefits and cost. Rationally speaking, I know fully well that half a million dollars can be better spent on saving thousands of malnourished kids in Africa than on Charmaine who only has a 40-50% chance of survival even with the antibody in New York.
But Charmaine is my daughter. No amount of money can justify how important she is to me. And Jase. Despite Jase’s young age and maturity, I know fully well that he loves his mei mei just as much as I do.
I would do just about anything to save her. I thought about selling my kidney, being a surrogate mom. They may sound stupid and crazy but my conscience feels so much better with me earning that USD $350,000 because I cannot think of any rational reason to convince you to help me save Charmaine.
I really thought of giving up. Its so much more easier and I am so tired.
I don’t want to think about anything anymore. Its easier just remembering the next doctor’s appointment, the next time for medication, the next time to pay the bills and just things I can do without thinking…
I even avoided Jolene and Charlene for a week because I have no answer for them. Their suggestion to go public and seek for help. My permission to allow them to publicise the materials.
Even as I am typing right now, I don’t exactly know what am I doing. I don’t know what I have decided. I don’t know the consequences of me typing this.
The only thing I know for sure is that should anything happen to Charmaine, I would never be able to forgive myself for not trying to fight for Charmaine when all she has to help her is me.
This is the very reason why I am typing this.
Dear friends, please help Jase and me to save Charmaine.
The website and blog is the joint effort of Angela Chng, Charlene Wong, Jolene Loh, Josse Tan. and Kumar Raja Maharjan